Recently, I had an all-too-familiar experience that has sparked me to write about feeling inferior in the academic setting. Now, I don't claim to be an educational psychology expert nor an expert of any kind. The following thoughts are simply based on my own personal experiences.
The Conflict
Taking a challenging course - such as, Calculus, Physics, Organic Chemistry, etc - can be challenging for various reasons. The content in these courses are not only incredibly complex to grasp, but they also build upon each other rapidly. Above all, most of the time, the general overview of the concepts are interesting, but the knitty-gritty details are terribly uninteresting. And, the most challenging of all is when the professor or a lab partner or even study partner breezes through the material as you still struggle to climb up the steep learning curve.
That's where the inferiority kicks in.
Then, the doubts start to seep in, slowly but surely. "Perhaps, my brain just doesn't work this way." or "Maybe I don't want to pursue this career." or "I must've missed something in high school/undergrad/life because these concepts are just not intuitive for me!"
Now, I'm experiencing this same discomfort in graduate classes. However, just like Calculus or anything else, certain courses are prerequisites, a.k.a. necessary evils. So, they must be taken, regardless if I like it or not. So, I feel that a certain principle must be learned here to stop the cycle of academic inferiority.
From a Historical Perspective
If we take a brief, noncontroversial stroll through history, I think we can all agree that there's been a common struggle in the academic setting. Minorities and women have often sought equality in the classroom. Now, of course, amazing progress has been made and I thankfully have never had to literally fight laws for my education. However, I mention this struggle here because I feel that subconsciously, I have carried knowledge of that struggle as a charge. It's a charge for me (a minority and a woman) to ensure that those who fought for me to receive this education didn't do so in vain. Now, that's a lot of pressure to make an 'A' to put on one person, I understand - but it's a subconscious belief. Years of being told that "you're smart" and "you have potential" and "a mind is a terribly thing to waste" all culminate to avoiding perceived failure at all costs. So, when that professor or lab partner speed ahead and leave me behind and make clever statement regarding the need for me to study more, I feel this subconscious pressure that I need to hurry up and catch up. I feel that confidence being shaken by doubtful inner voices. And, emotion can trump all logic at times, if you let it.
Resolution
Two powerful quotes come to mind when I feel this tinge of inferiority:
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Elanor Roosevelt
and
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. ... We are all meant to shine as children do. It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson, adapted by the movie Coach Carter [abridged]
These quotes illuminate a truth: inferiority can be a perception in the mind. I talked about how inferiority feels but I can choose not to feel that way. Rather, I can take on the perspective that I just haven't taken the right approach in tapping into my innate potential to succeed in whatever challenging course. So, you take a different approach, try another tactic, until you find the approach that works congenially with you. I get the feeling that this principle extends way past the classroom and works well in many challenging life experiences.
This reminds me of taking a mindful approach to discomfort that one may feel while meditating in a seated position. You acknowledge the discomfort. You don't try to change it immediately, but rather you breathe through it because, after all, all suffering is only temporary.
Final Word
I posted a few days ago a
compilation of a few of my favorite TED Talks. Another awesome quote from Sarah Kaye's 'If I Should Have A Daughter...' speech noted that she "uses poetry to help [her] work through what [she doesn't] understand." I think this quote resonates with me so much because it's the same way I approach blogging. There's plenty of concepts (like this one of academic inferiority) that I have not quite conquered. In fact, I don't think I'll ever quite
conquer these complex concepts; I don't think we're supposed to. We're just supposed to progress and get better things. So, writing about life's complexities allows me to discover different facets of the these concepts. And, it helps me to work through the frustration, the confusion. I guess it helps me to simply "light up the darkness" (
Bob Marley).
