Monday, June 3, 2013

All the single ladies! (Music Monday #16)

Okay, so by now, y'all should know that every now and then I have no qualms about posting relationship-related posts.

Sometimes, admittedly, I choose not to post something for fear that I will be judged or worst - typecast. Then, other times I remember the small scope of my blog-o-sphere, and I don't feel as bad!

This is one of those times.

I was driving to work when I listened to Paramore's "The Only Exception". This song is pretty yet melancholy, and Hayley sings it just so beautifully and poignantly. Now, I hadn't heard this song in a long time, but the lyrics came back to me seamlessly. Then this line came: "I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness. Because none of it was ever worth the risk". And, I thought to myself: I totally get that. Okay, I'll admit, my actual first thought was: Ain't that the truth! Seriously, not worth it! But, two seconds later, the sassy sarcasm settled, and I reflected at the red lights and came up with a few conclusions that I felt worthy of sharing:

1. Sassy sarcasm sometimes acts as a knee-jerk defense mechanism
2. It's defending against slipping into that sullen mood you get after realizing a somber possibility
3. That somber possibility (in this case) was this idea that it's somehow better to resolve to be lonely forever rather than take the risk of being in a relationship
4. When you think about it, it turns out that risks are involved in every step of the relationship:
  • pre-relationship: you take the risk of being rejected when you initiate or reciprocate interest in the other person
  • during relationship: you progress along, but the risk of being dumped or having to dump the other person still exists
  • post-relationship: whether it ends amicably or dramatically, the aftermath risk is feeling like this: "am I really better off?" or "back to square one..."
5. Final conclusion: Yes, I was right before: these risks are far too great, it's not worth it; single - forever and always, go!

Then, I got to work and got out of the car thinking I was quite smart for arriving at this final conclusion.

(SN: Now that I think about it, this list of conclusions reads more like the logical steps to a geometric proof...)
I know that this reasoning is perfectly sound, and you guys agree with what I'm suggesting, but on the other hand:
I'm told that true love, real love, is absolutely worth the risks. And, I believe it is. There's something incredibly, indescribably, special about human connectedness on all levels. With your friends, with your family, with significant others, with strangers who you help on the side of the freeway after they've crashed into the guardrail. Human connectedness is just how we get by. And, no combination should be left out or discarded. So, I encourage us all to take healthy risks:
If you're on the brink of a relationship with someone and it could be great but you're not sure, go for it.
If you're feeling hopeless as a penny with a hole in it, I dare you to muster up enough spirit to develop a positive outlook and truly believe that it's not all over for you.
If you're realizing that this season in your life is a time to develop human connectedness on those other levels like with your friendes or strangers, take the risk of doing so without worrying about whether or not you're going to be lonely for the rest of your life.
If you're vaguely in the midst of all three routes, I have no advice for you. I don't know what you should do. And, for that, I apologize.

One of my most memorable "somebody pinch me" moments:
when this was the view from my apartment in Cali summers ago
I've done this type of Music Monday post before: slipping in a bunch of song references because I'm just so clever, like that.

But today's actual music selection is this: Barenaked Ladies' "Pinch Me". This song just makes me feel at ease. All this costs-benefits analysis talk has made me tense, I guess. So...pinch me!

This song helps me realize that oftentimes, it is the "perfect time of day to throw all your cares away." Peace y'all!

"it's the perfect time of day, to throw all your cares away"

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